I get it from my momma, he said.
I push problems,
I push people,
I push anything with meaning.
It’s not as easy as she thinks.
It takes some strength to push pain,
but way more effort
to push pleasure.
She doesn’t know my cold shoulder
I love her,
and my distance
She still remembers my full hugs
and clumsy kisses.
I push to forget,
I push to be left,
I push who I am.
She doesn’t think I understand
how hard it is to give someone something
he never had.
To push less, pull more.
To put my feelings on the floor
so no one ever walks all over hers.
To learn my emotional walls
may just be windows
I don’t wanna close.
I should tell her
pushing doesn’t make us any better,
yet it’s the one thing keeping me